They also thought a prohibition on quartering troops was excessive

First amendment no big deal, students say

"The way many high school students see it, government censorship of newspapers may not be a bad thing, and flag burning is hardly protected free speech....

"Yet, when told of the exact text of the First Amendment, more than one in three high school students said it goes 'too far' in the rights it guarantees. Only half of the students said newspapers should be allowed to publish freely without government approval of stories."

Which just goes to show that high school students are stupid. And yet the U.S. government allows them to operate heavy machinery, an, ahem, "right" they evidently esteem more than, say, being able to criticize the government for not also letting them purchase and imbibe alcohol legally.

Slovak ingenuity

People often wonder why I want to study the Slovaks.

They don't have the cachet of, say, the Czechs or the Poles, the cuisine of the Hungarians. There isn't really a Slovak equivalent of Ukraine's Orange Revolution, and the Slovak capital, Bratislava, doesn't have the same sort of appeal as Vienna. In general, Slovaks are viewed as the somewhat backward, more agrarian, conservative, religious brothers of the Czechs, not so renowned for their politics, cosmopolitanism, or even beer production and consumption.

But I've discovered that the Slovaks get a bad rap. They've done plenty in the way of building a civil society that pushed for revolution and pushing for liberal democratic values (see my dissertation on the Slovak question in the Prague Spring, forthcoming), one of the best meals I ate in Prague was at a Slovak restaurant, and Slovak beer is definitely underappreciated and quite outstanding.

Yet when it comes to mixing alcohol with ingenuity, I think the Slovaks take the cake. Or at least this Slovak man takes the leak:

A Slovak man trapped in his car under an avalanche freed himself by drinking 60 bottles of beer and urinating on the snow to melt it.

Nazdar!

Just call him Sherlock

Colorado Avalanche enforcer Peter Worrell identified himself as friend and former NHL teammate Andreas Lilja when he was arrested during a traffic stop in Florida last month.

Incredibly, the arresting officer managed to determine that the 6-foot-7, African-Canadian Worrell was not in fact the 6-foot-3 Swede Lilja, despite Worrell's repeated claims.

What would you expect from a bunch of Marxless god-worshippers?

TITO IN HELL FOR SERBIAN ORTHODOX CHURCH, SAYS MONTENEGRO MONASTERY ANSA

English Media Service

BELGRADE -- Josip Broz Tito, the founder of communist Yugoslavia, is certainly burning in hell according to the Serbian Orthodox Church.

Tito's portrait is among those of the sentenced to eternal damnation, imaged on a fresco in the church in Budva, Montenegro, Serbian daily Novosti said on Tuesday. The work, commissioned by the local ecclesiastical authorities to Belgrade painter Vladimir Kidisevic, also portrays Miras Dadaic, a promoter of a Montenegrin independent church.

The fresco, which covers a whole wall of the church conveys the universal judgement but also shows the judgement of the Serbian Orthodox See, regarding the fact that images of the security services of the communist era and their collaborators are painted next to Tito.

Benedict Jovanovic, prior in the Podmajne Monastery, said the intention of the fresco was to show among the damned all the people who had harmed the Serbian Orthodox patriarchate.

"The communists are Antichrists and have for decades devastated our cult places," he said.

Haven't they already suffered enough?

Most American groups, including those affiliated with religious organizations, strictly avoid mixing aid and missionary work. But scattered reports of proselytizing in Sri Lanka; Indonesia, which is predominantly Muslim; and India, with large Hindu and Muslim populations, are arousing concerns that the good will spread by the American relief efforts may be undermined by resentment.

From a New York Times piece on the disturbing efforts by religiously affiliated American "aid workers" to proselytize to victims of the Indian Ocean tsunami.

I'm sure getting a bible will serve these people better than rice or potable water. And it'll definitely do wonders to alleviate religious and political tensions that predated the disaster.

May there never be a children's cartoon conservatives can't try to ruin

I've recently heard someone espouse the theory that many homophobes make a point of open hostility toward anything gay because they're trying to repress their own homosexual inclinations. Maybe that's a load of rubbish (and considering the source, I'd think it a distinct possibility), but still, you have to wonder:

Conservatives Pick Soft Target: A Cartoon Sponge

Yes, they're going after SpongeBob.

Reportedly, Mr. SquarePants appears with "children's television colleagues like Barney and Jimmy Neutron" in a "pro-homosexual video" being distributing to schools in order to promote a "tolerance pledge."

The video's creator, Nile "We Are Family" Rodgers, claims conservatives have it wrong, that the video merely promotes multiculturalism.

It does speak volumes for conservatives, though, that they're conflating "multiculturalism" with "tolerance for homosexual lifestyles" in evidently condemning diversity.

A question: couldn't they have gotten Tinky-Winky for the video? After all, he is a well-known "children's television colleague" of Mr. SquarePants, and a member of the Communist Party.

God bless them for not letting the war cast a somber mood on the party

Inaugurations are always balancing acts: part coronation, part celebration of democracy, part touchdown dance in the end zone. But they become even trickier during times of war, particularly when television images of dancers in black tie can be instantly juxtaposed with soldiers in body armor.

Uh, shouldn't that be soldiers lacking body armor.

At least the lead is highly effective in conveying the untentionally conveyed gist of the article, namely that Washington fat cats have no sense of irony in lavishing millions of dollars on pomp and circumstance while neglecting and underfunding or ignoring grave humanitarian crises.

A euphemism by any other name would still be a dildo

During the German band Rammstein's 1998 American debut tour, the lead singer, Till Lindemann, whipped out a monstrous black appliance in his performance of "Bück Dich" ("Bend Over") and employed it to simulate sex with his keyboardist, who lay on the floor with a mask on his face, a chain around his neck and a gag in his mouth. When they tried this in Worcester, Mass., the two men spent the night in jail on obscenity charges.

I'd love to see the clerk's reaction at a sex shop if s/he were asked for a "monstrous black appliance." For shame, New York Times Arts section.

And for the record, I remain convinced that "Claire Berlinski" is a phony name for a reporter filing from Berlin.

Sincere thanks to Justin and Janet

Fearful of FCC discipline, Fox has rejected a Super Bowl ad for a natural cold remedy called Airborne in which 84-year-old Mickey Rooney's bare ass appears on screen for two seconds.

And this is a good thing, especially given Rooney's zealotry on the matter: "There's nothing sensual about the brief exposure of my backside, and it's not gratuitous. ... It's a fun spot, and the public deserves to see it."

Maybe Jon Stewart can go on O'Reilly's show next

Mr. Klein specifically cited the criticism that the comedian Jon Stewart leveled at "Crossfire" when he was a guest on the program during the presidential campaign. Mr. Stewart said that ranting partisan political shows on cable were "hurting America."

Mr. Klein said last night, "I agree wholeheartedly with Jon Stewart's overall premise." He said he believed that especially after the terror attacks on 9/11, viewers are interested in information, not opinion.

That's right, Jon Stewart helped get Tucker Carlson and "Crossfire" canned from CNN. At long last the Daily Show is living up to its original slogan.

Meanwhile, Nero fiddles

The American war on terror, Mr. Saffo argued, might fare better by outspending Islamic charities in Indonesia than by "pouring money into the sand" in Iraq.

Instead of actually trying to build real goodwill in the Islamic world and do some good in the wake of an unparalleled natural disaster, Bush soldiers on with him vacation. He shows tremendous leadership by angrily denouncing criticism that the U.S. has been stingy in contributing to relief in his first public address, three days after the calamity struck, chastising those who would dare to point out that the $35 million the U.S. had pledged in aid to the Indian Ocean region were misplaced, then a few days later he ups the total tenfold.

Now, $350 million might seem like a lot of money. And it is. But to put it in perspective, the $35 million previously pledged was roughly equal to the amount Bush plans to spend on his inauguration later this month. It's also equal to the amount the U.S. spends every four hours on the war in Iraq.

I'm not saying Bush should've done more and sooner just to reap political capital, but that he should've done more and sooner because it's the right thing.

It's truly sad that all those conservatives who claim the private sector is better able to provide services in a more efficient way than the government would be proved correct in the matter or disaster relief and aid. That's inconscionable. This isn't even an issue that's shrouded in politics like the war in Iraq. It's a simple matter of humanitarian aid to people victimized by nature. I guess Halliburton doesn't have a subsidiary to bid on relief contracts. There must not be large oil reserves in the Indian Ocean rim.