Dispensed

It seems my intuition is keen.

Previously in comments about my job, I noted that I expected my boss to ultimately pick the other writer, Edward, to stay on permanently after the month and fill the permanent position.

That is, if they took anyone on permanently. Having seen the way the organization is run, it doesn't seem their style to actually have permanent employees to keep up with the work load as it comes, instead of maintaining a bare bones staff and then hiring a bunch of temps to attempt to tackle the mountain of work that builds up shortly before it all needs completing.

But as I mentioned before, in the event they managed not to be tightwads and actually paid for either of us to work beyond the end of the month, I figured they'd keep Edward. He's been there slightly longer, but mainly it seemed almost like he was being groomed to stick around, whereas I seem to be such the cheap labor, the run-of-the-mill hired hand, the spare part.

Anyway, today I happened to be over by Edward's desk, checking to see how far along he was with one of the tasks we were working on, when I caught a glimpse of a vacation request sheet, with dates in November and December on it. Hmm. That's odd. I thought we were just working till the end of the month since this was a short-term position. Think Edward knows something I don't know? Yeah, I'm not really pleased with this.

It's not that I have anything against Edward or don't think he's qualified. He sees eminently capable of doing the job. And I'm certainly not terribly upset that I won't have to work there anymore. From my perspective, the only bad part about it is not getting a paycheck anymore.

But really irks me is the whole process involved in this. Namely, that I don't believe I ever had a chance to get the job. For all I know, they hired me fully expecting to give it to Edward. But instead of being frank with me and saying that it was definitely short-term, they misled me and gave me the impression that I could actually be retained. And they deceived me simply to try to get me to work beyond 6 p.m. and do all sorts of crap that I'm not required to do and would be unreasonable to expect me to do. Argh.

At the very least, I've gained some valuable experience. Less of the sort I can tout on my resume and more in the way of learning how to assess an office dynamic from the outset, and how to ask questions about that in an interview before being thrust into a miserable situation. I hate being jerked around like this by employers. It sucks because it makes my job and my life miserable, and also squanders my myriad talents and skills.

But, I've also gained from this the knowledge that I want nothing more than to go back to school, to go ahead with my plans to get a doctorate in history and pursue a life cloistered in the ivory towers of academia. In all seriousness, I had been a little worried over the past few months that I would find a job and like it so much that I wouldn't want to leave it to go back to school. Nope. That's not going to be a problem. In-sha-a'Stanford I'll get into the grad school of my dreams next fall and will only have to work in the interim to pay bills and save enough money to move back to California.

Someone, I don't remember whom, said you should only go to grad school if you can't see yourself doing anything else. And that's definitely where I am now. I can't bear the thought of working this job another two weeks, let alone the rest of the year or my life.

Academia just really seems to suit me. I'm had some anxiety about it, mainly as I've inched closer to completely committing myself to that path. But as I've had some experiences that really tested my interest, whether it be taking a research trip to work in archives or to take a job in the "real world," and each time I've come away feeling more certain than ever that I want to be a professor of Eastern European history. So now on to getting into grad school . . . .