Ageism

Because I'm cruel to senior citizens, I'll subject you to some selected gems from the guest op-ed Bob Dole penned in Sunday's New York Times:

• "The good news for President Bush this year is that the economy is looking up on his watch, too. All the major indicators are moving in the right direction."

Um, yeah. Except for jobs. Profits are excellent (if you're rich), as Dole points out in his observations on the success of the markets. But if you're just a poor working (or unemployed) stiff, as, oh, 90-odd percent of the population is, then perhaps these are not salad days for you. Unless, of course, you're cashing in some of those mutual funds and stock options you've undoubtedly stockpiled.

• "And here's the kicker: some economic indicators are even more favorable now than they were back in 1996. The misery index — the combination of unemployment and inflation — is actually lower now than it was at this point in 1996."

What a dipshit. It seems that for nearly every new job that gets created (like those temp and service-sector gigs that are so appealing and lucrative), another "discouraged worker" gets dropped from the unemployment rolls. Sure, unemployment is dropping (slowly). But that's largely an error of calculation. Or more accurately, it reflects the narrow definition used in determining the official unemployment rate, which, conveniently for those like Bob Dole who want to see a drop in the "misery index," doesn't include unemployed workers who have given up on finding work as unemployed. That's right. There are hundreds of thousands of unemployed folks who, for the government's purposes, aren't counted as unemployed. They're virtual non-persons. Go to hell, Bob.

• "President Bush also has one clear advantage that President Clinton never enjoyed: people view him as a robust leader on defense and security issues."

Depends on which people we're considering. Or how you define "robust." Would most Americans (or any rational person) consider Dubya "strong enough to withstand intellectual challenge"? Doubtful. Few folks would characterize Shrub as robust with the "connotation of elegance in addition to careful attention to detail." Don't misunderestimate him -- even George knows that the whole WMD thing was just a slightly major oversight. He even saw fit to joke about his futile search in Iraq with a slide show featuring him searching for WMDs in the Oval Office. (If only he'd looked in a mirror.) Given the complete lack of tact exhibited in this show of poor taste, I think it's safe to say he lacks the necessary "elegance."

• "The war on terrorism and the economy will be on voters' minds as they watch this campaign unfold — and when they go to the ballot box on Nov. 2. On both issues, President Bush has the facts on his side. His job now is simply to remind voters that America is safer and more prosperous than it was on the day he was sworn into office."

This paragraph is completely accurate. Provided that you change "has the facts on his side" to "has the facts overwhelmingly stacked against him" and "America is safer and more prosperous than it was on the day he was sworn into office" to "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity finally ended the day he was sworn into office."

Really, I don't know why the editorial page editor at the Times bothered running this piece of fantasy. But then, I don't know why this person allows Thomas Friedman to insult our intelligence twice a week.