In need of a dole queue

Well, I finally got word on one of the two jobs I had been pursuing. And, it wasn't good.

I'm not going to get to be a folksy Irish priest.

The long and short of it is that my odds at Mercy Home, which looked excellent some three weeks or so ago when I came back for a second round of interviews, didn't come through. I had been one of the final two candidates, except for some third person who interviewed for the first time after both of us had been in for a second round. I'm not sure the new guy wowed them, but he was evidently good enough to merit a second round of interviews and ultimately be offered the job this week. Them's the breaks.

What is more bothersome is that it seems I didn't get rejected because of a lack of qualifications. If anything, I was ridiculously overqualified and, from what I gather, the best applicant they had. The problem, it seems, is that whole being overqualified bit. Seems that this particular position keeps attracting a lot of talent. But that talent doesn't content itself to writing thank-you letters and other correspondence with donors for very long. Previous staff writers left within a year, often to pursue graduate work or other incredible opportunities. The folks at Mercy Home really wanted to avoid that.

They told me that in my first interview, and I thought I'd be forward with them and confess that I was in fact in the process of applying to graduate schools. Of course, I told them that it was to keep my options open, that it's where i'd eventually like to be, but that it was no sure thing that I'd be leaving come August or so. There's always the little matter of getting into a school and getting funding. Maybe that'll prove easier than I worry (and perhaps they think I'll have no problem getting accepted), but it's still beyond my control. Plus there's the whole having a girlfriend in school in Chicago till 2005. I kept telling them that in an ideal world I'd find a job I really liked, get into the grad school I wanted, and be able to defer admission (and funding!) a year till Colleen graduates.

But, my scruples may well have cost me the job. From what the guy said to me on the phone this afternoon, and from some things he's told me in previous conversations, I think that 1) I was the most-qualified candidate and 2) the person who got the job got it mainly because they knew he wasn't going to be leaving for grad school.

It just bugs me because I did the right thing, I was honest and up front, and my honesty has now bitten me in the ass. I'm bummed out because of this. I can't say I wouldn't be depressed if I hadn't gotten it because I wasn't qualified, or because someone else was a better candidate. But it's disappointing to know that I was the man for the job but didn't get it for such a lame reason.

Especially since it's so much up in the air. Obviously I'd be pretty unlikely to stick around here if, say, Stanford or Berkeley called me in the spring with the offer of a generous stipend and several years of funding to enter its Ph.D. program. But were I not to get into my top-choice schools, and only got accepted by, say, Washington or Indiana, I'd be hard pressed to leave right away for either school. In that case, I'd be extremely unlikely to give up a nice job in close proximity to Colleen to go to a school I didn't especially like in a place I'd rather not be. I've been advised not to go somewhere just for the sake of going, and I'd be a lot more likely to heed that advice, take a year to reapply in this situation. Oh well.

I still have a narrow hope that the other job, the contract position with the market research firm in Evanston, comes through. Though I don't have high hopes for that. I thought I'd hear from them last month, but not a word. And I haven't gotten a response to the e-mail and phone call I placed last week. But, I'll try calling again tomorrow, ever hopeful. It wouldn't be bad if I ended up getting this job. It has the advantage of being shorter-term, meaning I'd have no fears or guilt at having to potentially leave it in the summer. And it'd give me about a 2-minute commute by train to Colleen's apartment, making it much easier to see her more often. Plus, since it's a company as opposed to a nonprofit, the salary's likely to be better. But, being a contract post, it doesn't exactly entail benefits. Or labor rights. Which means I'm a lot more likely to end up in a situation like the HistoryMakers, where I got coerced into working ridiculously long hours in horrible conditions with no legal recourse. Except longer. Ugh.

And don't get me started on where I'll be if Conifer tells me they have nothing for me. I haven't been intensively searching for jobs the past month or so since I felt reasonably confident I get one of these two. I've been perusing listings with regularity, but nothing has caught my eye that I'd want to apply for. So I'd have to scour the want ads much more intently and begin the whole process anew, meaning it'll realistically be another month or two before I'd be working. Which doesn't exactly help my bank balance. Particularly once I finish applying to grad schools. (I calculated this evening that I'll spend about $630 on the whole process -- that includes the cost of the GRE, a test prep book, score reports, official transcripts, application fees and postage.)

So here's hoping I'm not homeless or back home again in the new year.